Generic Tekken 3 Story
by lilykane
Summary: It's the story a boy and his dog and the magical adventure they embark together in search of home and good Chinese takeout. Okay, I'm lying. Written because I hate you all.


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~Disclaimer: Tekken owns me. I mean, I do not own Tekken. Namco does. And this story's for fun. Anyone that gets offended by it, what can I say?~

Generic Tekken 3 Story

It was a dark and stormy...day, and Jin Kazama was sitting on his bed, reading a book. He liked reading. It was good. Now, I'll end the Hemingway-seque writing from this point on. 

"Man, I miss my mama," he sighed as he closed his book, despite there being no one in the room with him to talk to. "And I am filled with much angst and must avenge her death. But not right now, I have to go to school." With that, he stood up and grabbed his backpack, Jin headed off to school. Little did he know that outside of his well-guarded house, was Hwoarang, ready to kick his ass. The redhead had his goggles down, because they apparently helped him to see, despite being all scratched up and stuff. And he was wearing his sexy leather chaps and jeans and that way too tight vest, so swoon. SWOON, I say.

When Jin stepped out the door, Hwoarang jumped out of the bushes.

"AHA!" the punk cried, "I've found you, my most hated of all enemies!"

"Okay..." Jin replied, not phased at all. He crossed his arms, "How did you get past security?"

"I...can't tell you." Hwoarang took stance, "However, I must fight you, because I'm consumed by rage from you beating me in a fight!"

Jin rolled his eyes, "Dude, I didn't beat you, remember? We decided to call it a draw."

"So?" Hwoarang switched stances.

"So, I'm going to be late for school. Move it before I sic my bear after you." From inside, a long wail from Kuma could be heard. Hwoarang dropped stance and scratched the back of his head.

"Fine, but after school, I'm going to kick your ass." After he said that, Hwoarang jumped back into the bushes.

"God, what a freak," Jin mumbled as he headed to the car that was waiting to take him to school. 

  


*****

  


In a random flashback scene, Kazuya Mishima stood in front of his father with a very pregnant Jun. 

"Dad, I have something I want to tell you," Kazuya started in a very low voice.

"Lemme guess, you're getting married," Heihachi sighed.

"Uh, no, actually, I wanted to just let you know I'm going to throw this girl off of a cliff, since she's carrying my offspring." The older man lifted a brow and cringed, then glanced over at Jun, who was smiling quite happily.

"Kazuya, son, why would you want to do that?" the older Mishima sighed as he stood up and placed his hands on his son's shoulders. "I mean, she seems like a nice girl."

"I'm doing that because I love her," the young man sniffled.

"Right....." Heihachi turned to Jun, "Uh, are you okay with him killing you and your unborn child?"

"Oh, perfectly alright!" Jun chirped. "I love Kazuya very much, even after he raped me--"

"--HE WHAT?!" the old man exclaimed wide eyed at the still way too happy girl. And as on cue, Lee ran into the room.

"Daddy," Lee sniffed, "I'm sorry."

Heihachi lifted a brow, "For what?"

"I dunno, I thought now would be a good time for me to come in apologize." The silver haired boy flung his arms around his father and clung to his waist. "I...love you, Daddy, despite all the mean things I said and did."

Kazuya nodded, "Actually, he's apologizing because he helped in the hostile take over of the Zaibatsu."

"Oh, god...get out of town," Heihachi sighed. Lee looked up, his eyes watering.

"I will, Daddy," he sobbed as he stood up and ran out of the room. "You'll never hear from me again! I'm so sorry!" he called from the other room.

"It was a figure of speech--" Heihachi was cut off by the sound of the front door slamming shut. The old man sighed and sat back down. "What is wrong with my kids?" he mumbled. "Why couldn't I have NORMAL kids, like the Williams girls. Now those are nice girls...Wonder what happened to them?...."

"I froze 'em," Kazuya replied. "But only because I was secretly in love with Nina and couldn't bear to see her be in love with her sister. Or something." Heihachi lifted a brow again. This was getting irritating.

"Son, I want a grandchild," he said slowly. "And this nice girl is carrying my grandchild. Can't we just...let her live?"

"Yeah, but--" Kazuya turned into the Devil, "--MY SPAWN WILL DESTROY YOUR PUNY EMPIRE IN ONE BLOW! MWAHAHAH!" Jun beamed and clung to Devil's arm.

"I love you so much," she sighed as she pecked evil on the cheek. Devil grinned evilly.

"I think....I need my tranquilizer gun, my private helicopter, and some aspirin...." the old man sighed heavily as the flames of Hell filled the room.

  


*****

  


After the flashback, Jin miraculously was in class. Isn't it crazy how that happened? Anyway, he was sitting next to adorable Xiaoyu Ling. Why she was in a senior only class, we will never know, but there she sat, staring dreamily at Jin. However, he wasn't paying much attention to her, since his mind was elsewhere. Mainly on lunch. Heh, I bet you all thought it was on Hwoarang kicking his ass and looking sexy, didn't you? Nope, Jin was starving and wanted to eat his three Lunchables. 

The lunch bell rang, and everyone jumped up and ran toward the door. Little did they all know that Hwoarang was waiting outside.

"Kazama!" Hwoarang yelled as the Mishima boy walked out the door. "I'm going to kick your ass now!" Jin jumped at the sound of his name and the fact that Hwoarang yelled it right in his ear. He turned around slowly, his pinky in his ear.

"Uh, no you're not," Jin sighed as he faced the redhead, irritated that he was going to be late to lunch. "It's not after school."

"Wait, what was that bell for?" Hwoarang asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Lunch."

"Oh, cool. Can I eat with you?"

"Yeah, I guess," Jin sighed.

  


*****

  


"What about the children?!" cried King. 

  


*****

  


Heihachi Mishima sat in his office with his secretary, to whom he was trying to dictate a memo to. 

"Let's see...I want to finish the work my son did taking over the world," he sighed sadly. "Kazuya was such a hard worker. Too bad he..." the old man sniffled and pulled out a handkerchief from his blazer pocket. He then blew his nose and sobbed once. "Hey, I know! I'll waste valuable time and money on hosting another Iron Chef Tournament!" Heihachi then clasped his hands together in glee, "Yes, with the greatest chefs from around the globe in my disposal, I will take over the world with exciting and new cuisine!"

"Uh, sir," his secretary began meekly, "Didn't you hold the Iron Fists Tournament? Not the Iron Chef?

"Whatever, just make a note of it and send it out to the press," Heihachi grinned. "And I'll make the prize the entire Zaibatsu. Plus one night with my grandson. AH HA HA HA!!!" The secretary cringed and continued to take notes as the old man cackled insanely.

  


*****

  


It was after school, and Jin and Hwoarang were fighting outside in the school yard. There were students cheering, but there wasn't a clear dominant fighter. In other words, it was going to be another draw.

"I...will...not...lose...to you!" Hwoarang screamed as he came at Jin with a flurry of punches "Though, thank you for treating me to lunch."

"No problem," Jin replied before he grabbed the redhead and threw him over his shoulder. "Anytime."

"We should do that more often," the other young man noted as he kepped back to his feet and roundhoused Jin in the head. 

Jin stumbled back, "Yeah, it was really refreshing and enlightening." He retaliated with an uppercut.

"I'll pay next time," Hwoarang nodded as he rubbed his aching jaw, then turned and decked Jin the stomach.

"Cool," Jin gasped as the wind was knocked out of him for a second. He then straightened up and grabbed Hwoarang to crescent kick him. 

"I THINK IT'S A DRAW!" announced Xiaoyu before Jin could do anything else. Both boys turned around and glared at the girl. 

"Ling, there's something I have to tell you," Jin mumbled as he punched Hwoarang in the face one last time.

"What's that?"

"I think I love you."

Xiaoyu scratched her head, "That's rather sudden."

"I think I love you too," Hwoarang said as he sat up, kicking Jin's legs out from beneath him.

"No way," Jin replied as he stood up. "Hwoarang, I think I love you too."

"That's crazy! I love me too!" Hwoarang gasped. The two boys smiled at each other after making those revelations and embraced, pulling away only to kiss passionately. 

Everyone gawked, except Xiaoyu, who was in heaven for having Jin and Hwoarang both say they loved her.

  


*****

  


Meanwhile, Forrest Law was sitting on a bench with Paul, eating chocolates.

"You know," Forrest said as he closed the box and looked out ahead. "Life is like a box of chocolates."

"You never know what you're going to get," Paul added thoughtfully as he stared out in the same direction.

"Uh, actually, I meant that it's rather contrite and people try to buy it in little prepackaged bits. They forget to savor each moment and instead gobble up every piece they can, often forgetting to share with the people closest to them."

"Forrest?"

"Yeah?"

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

  


*****

  


"Announcing the Iron Fists Tournament '98! Break a spine, R!"

"Wait, I think that's been used before"

"I'm out of ideas."

"You suck."

  


*****

  


In another random flashback, a little fourteen year old Jin sat at the breakfast table as his mother, who was in the kitchen, happily conversed to a squirrel outside the window.

Jin blinked and asked, "Mama, why do you talk to squirrels?"

"I don't talk to squirrels," she insisted before turning her attention back to the little rodent.

"Then...what are you doing?"

"I'm being one with nature."

"Okay...." Jin turned back to his cereal and stared at it. He asked, "Mama, why don't I have a father like all the other kids?"

"You do have a father! He's just not alive," Jun sighed, turning around completely to face her son. "We've gone through this a million times."

"Okay, why not a stepfather?" Jin retorted innocently.

"I'm a lesbian."

"Oh...so, you were artificially inseminated." Jin nodded thoughtfully and went back to eating.

"Actually...." Jun came out of the kitchen, "I was raped." Jin dropped his spoon in his milk at the mention of that word. She sat down next to him and smiled brightly, "But your father and I loved each very much." She patted her dumbfounded son on the head, "Sometimes, I can still hear him screaming obscenities from the fiery pit that he was cast in before you were born. I loved him so much..." Her face became far off and dreamy.

"But...you just said you were a lesbian...and that you were raped," Jin replied as he lifted one brow in confusion.

"I am and I was. Would you like some waffles, dear?" she asked cheerfully as she continued to stroke her son's hair.

"Uh, no thanks, I'll think I'll pass," Jin said meekly as he pulled away from his still smiling mother in fear.

  


*****

  


Lei Wulong fell asleep in a movie theatre. Unfortunately, he went to see Titanic.

  


*****

  


After Jin and Hwoarang had great sex that night, Hwoarang turned to Jin and said, "You know, I'm still going to kick your ass, right?"

"Of course," Jin nodded as he lit a cigarette; he took a drag and passed it to his lover. "We're after the same girl, so we have to kill each other. Plus, there's that whole platonic thing going on."

"Oh, good. I'm glad we understand each other," the redhead sighed after he took a puff and handed the smoke back to Jin. "I was really worried that things would change between the two of us."

"It will only change once I start reminiscing about my tragic childhood and I try to push you away."

"Wouldn't that just make us closer?" Hwoarang asked as he snuggled against the other boy.

"Yeah, but you know how it goes."

"Too bad there's only one girl for us to go after."

"Yeah," Jin sighed as he wrapped an arm around Hwoarang.

  


*****

  


Julia Chang sat outside her house by herself.

  


*****

  


"I know why you forgot about me!" yelled Eddy Goro as he barged into Jin's bedroom. "It's because I'm black, isn't it?!" Jin and Hwoarang lifted a brow at each other then at the irate man standing in the middle of the room with a shotgun. He pointed it up to the ceiling.

"Um, hi?" said Hwoarang. "Who are you?"

"I'm the black man! And a HANDSOME black man at that! But I never see any action! And...I love Xiaoyu Ling." He busted down and began sobbing. 

"We do too, man," Jin nodded sympathetically. "We do too."

"But she's the only girl around," Eddy cried. "How's that going to work?"

"Uh, Jin and I are just going to fight over her every chance we get," Hwoarang added cautiously. "I don't know about you though. You kinda don't fit in to the picture."

"Oh, just leave a brother out!" Eddy wept as he cocked his gun. "I know how it works." He marched out of the room.

"Uh, Eddy?" Jin called as he jumped out of the bed and followed him; yes, he's still naked. "Where are you going with that gun."

Eddy stopped and looked down at his shotgun, "Oh, deer hunting. I was actually on my way to do that when I saw your place." Jin nodded, since that explained why Eddy was wearing a camouflage hunting suit and a bright orange vest. And had twigs in his hair. "Just thought I'd drop by to say hi."

"Oh, okay, have fun."

"I'll try, though I'll be pining away at the thought of Xiaoyu and be forgotten for the rest of the story." With that, Eddy kicked down Jin's front door and charged out it.

  


*****

  


Yoshimitsu showed up at Disneyland. Everyone screamed when they saw him. He cried.

  


THE END

  



End file.
